1. What’s the heaviest thing a camera assistant has to carry?
2. How many camera assistants does it take to change a light bulb?
Never Mind. It’s already done.
3. How many camera assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five — one to do it and four to tell you how they did it on the last job.
4. How many old cameramen does it take to change a light bulb?
Three – one to change the bulb, and two to reminisce about how much better they were back in the good old days of film.
5. How many videographers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. What do you think the gain is for?
6. How many DP’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, if he’s got a good crew to do it.
7. Why don’t DP’s smoke?
Because it takes them 6 hours to light it.
8. What is the difference between a DP & God?
God doesn’t think he’s a DP
9. During a re-lighting the DP and the Camera Operator end up arguing. The DP says sex is 90% work and only 10% pleasure. The Operator argues the opposite: 70% work and 30% pleasure. They can’t agree, so seek a 3rd party to arbitrate. The only person around is the Loader doing coffee rounds. They ask him his opinion. He gets their permission to speak freely. And so he says: “Well, if you really ask my opinion, I’d say it’s all pleasure, for if there was any work connected with it, you’d have me doing it!”
10. In the beginning God created the DP.
God saw the DP and said he was good.
The DP saw God and said: “Turn your head, I´d rather have it back-lit.”
God said:”But I am God!”
The DP said:”I don’t care who you are. Front-lighting is no good.”
And God turned his head.